Tag Archives: Relationships

Is she a woman or a girl? A dating guide for men!

A recent articleabout spotting the men among boys brought up some interesting points in the comments, including some humorous stories from personal experiences.The subject of what differentiates women from girls was also brought up, inspiring another challenging conversation.

Comedian Louis C.K. describes women as, “when you had a couple of kids and your life is in the toilet. When people come out of your vagina and step on your dreams– if you’re still standing after that s**t, you’re a woman!”

In essence, a woman’s life experiences and level of maturity have upgraded her to “the gold card” of quality and character. A woman has a sense of humility, grace, and appreciation for the little things, while girls have an entitlement complex, or suffer from being “Daddy’s little princess” far too long.

Based on comments from the article, and a Facebook poll later, here’s the dating guide of woman vs. girl:

The first date

Woman: shows up on time or early for the date, but definitely calls ahead if she will be late for any reason. When she arrives, she is impeccably dressed, and greets her date with a smile.

Girl: expects to be picked up from her place, but takes longer than she expected to get ready. Cleavage almost spills out of her shirt, and she has enough makeup on to put Vegas showgirls to shame. Her eyes roll when her date drives up in a Toyota instead of a BMW.

Woman: orders conservatively, with limited drinks, and offers to go Dutch. And she really means she’s willing to pay for her half.

Girl: orders the priciest item on the menu, including appetizers, dessert and lots of drinks. When the man picks up the check, she asks if she can chip in (doesn’t reach for her purse), waiting for the man to say, “that’s OK– I got it.”

Woman: thanks the man for dinner, and says she had a wonderful time (even if it was uneventful).

Girl: has become so lit from one too many cocktails, that she doesn’t make it to the car before the pricey dinner, dessert, and drinks come back up and pour onto the curb.

The Dating Game

Woman: doesn’t play games, says it like it is, and is honest about liking a man, or lets him know gently if things won’t work out. She takes the high road in breakups.

Girl: plays hard to get, often called a “tease,” is hot and cold, and will continue to string along a man she’s not interested in if she can continue to get free meals and nice gifts (not to mention her need for compliments). She will display the “Jerry Springer” outburst if she is dumped.

Her social life

Woman: knows the grocery clerks by their first names. She is frequently helping others because she enjoys it. She can have a night on the town with friends or by herself– and still has fun.

Girl: is a drama queen whose friends are sounding boards for dishing the latest gossip. Life is about hanging out, doing shots, and occasionally lifting her shirt for the boys.

Her sex life

Woman: is a saint outside the bedroom, and uninhibited behind bedroom doors. She is comfortable in her own skin, knows “the rules,” and exudes confidence. She likes to surprise her man with random, sexy outfits.

Girl: checks her watch during the act to see how much longer things will take. She has no problem going after other women’s men, and often uses sex as leverage to get what she wants. Most likely has a tiara in her possession, and needs constant reassurance about how “awesome” she is– in the bedroom, and everywhere else.

Do you have any other tell-tale signs of women vs. girls? Humor is always appreciated!

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10 Signs You’re Borderline Obsessed With Your Crush:

I’m guilty of all 10 of these at some point or another…. but then again I’m not obsessive…. I’m a girl. We are wired that way, right? heh.
By HowAboutWe, on Fri Aug 12, 2011 1:47pm PDT

By Chiara Atik for HowAboutWe.com

1) You find yourself casually clicking over to his or her Facebook page or Twitter account, and then before you know it, you’re at their very first entry and there’s nothing more to read. Because you clicked through the entire thing.

2) You’re happy to talk to anyone about your crush. Like anyone. Like that co-worker you randomly ran an errand with. Like your Grandma’s sister at a Family Reunion. Like the ONE person who happens to be on Gchat when you get a cryptic text that you immediately need help decoding.

Related:10 Things You Shouldn’t Do Until You’re Exclusive

3) You make plans with any mutual acquaintances you may have, in the hope that maybe, just maybe, your crush will come up in casual conversation. And if they don’t, you will bring them up. And sometimes you suffer through long evenings with people you don’t even like that much, just so at the end you can casually let your crush know that you “hung out with [MUTUAL FRIEND] the other night.”

4) You can’t help but thoroughly research anyone who tweets to your crush, or writes on their wall.

5) You give your crush their own separate ringtone, and whenever you hear any tune that is even remotely similar to it, your heart skips a beat.

6) You wouldn’t say you have unrealistic expectations about this relationship, but when pressed, you admit you’ve thought about where you’ll retire, and what activities you’ll do with your eventual grandchildren.

Related: 5 Things Women Say That Make Men Crazy

7) The most played song on your iPod is the one that played at the bar on your first date.

8) You absolutely refuse to make any plans for the weekend UNTIL you’ve made plans with your crush. And if you don’t hear from him or her, you still keep the weekend open, just in case they call.

9) It’s so weird, but, you can relate almost any conversation to one you were just having with your crush! You’re constantly telling your friends what your crush thinks about, oh, anything.

10) In between dates, you find yourself renting movies he/she mentioned, reading their favorite book, idly wikipedia’ing any anecdote they mentioned, and looking up flights to where he/she said they’d most like to go on vacation.

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Weekend Recap:

It’s time for a nostaligic look back on my weekend… now if I could only remember what I did… oh yeah:

FRIDAY: Amazing

I had 4 events I said I would go to…. but I didn’t have that much time. So I had to make choices.

  • Corey’s 30th B-Day at Famous Dave’s
  • Pick up my custom art from Aric Shapiro at The Salvagery Artist Collective
  • Hangout with my boss and friends for drinks at the Stonehouse
  • Go to AWOLnation and hangout with radio friends

So priorities…. MUSIC and ART….check. I cancelled on Corey to go hangout with my boss. Then my boss cancelled, so 2 out of 4 events down the hole.

So I went to go visit Aric at the Salvagery to pick up my art. He was leaving the next day for the Playa to build The Temple for Burning Man. It’s amazing to me that people would donate a month of their time to build The Temple, just to watch it blow up. Just amazing.

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I met a whole gaggle of crazy New Zealanders… shouting and drinking PBR…(I think its the official drink of Reno). Overall it was a great time.

Flashforward to home, getting ready, shower and a shave (Hey I keep it classy)

Then off to go see AWOLnation. I love living downtown because there is always something unexpected going on. I went outside and there was fireworks shooting off the Silver Legacy. I’m assuming for Hot August Nights… it was a good start to the night.

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I met up with new friends at KRZQ as well as members of KDOT. In Reno radio you can’t really afford to make enemies. We are all in this crazy little city trying to survive in the broadcasting industry.

AWOLnation was good, but all their songs relatively sound the same. The thing I love the most is I am finally feeling like I’m well rooted in Reno as well as radio.

I can BS with the big boys about music, industry news, and just plain tell dirty jokes. I love it. It’s been a 5 years in Reno, but I feel like I’m really making it my home.

20110814-045939.jpgAfter the concert the afterparty was at Tonic. I watched Chris Payne spin the night away as well as some cool guy who looked and danced like Andre 3000.

(Always a highlight)

The night was filled with normal drinking/dancing debachuery.

Twas Fun.

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Saturday: Awkward

I woke up in a rush to get to the station. I looked like a hot mess, I didn’t wash off the makeup from the last night, my hair was crusted in hairspray…. it was ugly.

But regardless I had a good airshift from 10am-3pm. Nothing caught on fire… so I was happy.

(Yes, that is my low standard of success)

Afterwards I was inspired to go to Tahoe. One of those random adventures…. apparently I couldn’t inspire anyone else to go with me.I really didn’t want to go to a beautiful lake and sit there by myself. (This has been a theme for me, learning how to be alone… its not working)

So I went to the pool and that was just not as satisfying. 20110814-050028.jpg

I met up with one of my neighbors, I thought he was going to bring all his friends, but it just ended up being me and him… which was fine… just different than I imagined.I like groups, gaggles of people, bringing people together, bbq’s and such.

So one on one is hard for me.

Then we agreed to get a bunch of people to show up together… I knew about 15 people that were going to be out and about downtown. I cancelled on another friend for a house party because I believed in a this new plan… downtown drinking and such. Sorry Drew :(

So we agreed to meet at 9pm…. so at 10:30 we finally got together. I met up with my 2 friends at Imperial Bar. (It was 95 degrees in there, I was sweaty and gross) But I ran into 2 old friends back from my ballroom dancing days…. yeah!20110814-050054.jpg

After $2 Kamikaze shots at Imperial we decided to get some fresh airand head down to the Waterfall.

We enjoyed had some hookah, more drinks and ran into a couple of awkward situations.

For instance it was Reno High’s 10 year reunion so everyone had name tags on and we didn’t know anyone there!

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We enjoyed some more hookah and this amazing drink called a Juicy! Ask West or Brandon (the bartenders) about it next time you are there.

We got tired of being in room full of people that we didn’t know, yet they all knew each other and decided to meander to Brew Bros.

That place is very hit or miss, its either the best night or your life or completely irritating.

(Turned out to be the second one).

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I was surrounded by people having sex on the dancefloor… ok well just about having sex… but its always awkward being surrounded by people getting it on…

I was also hot and sticky and irritated. The band wasn’t that good and I got tired of being pushed around by the tongue jockeys. So we left and ate some food at Cafe Sedona.

{Isn’t the whole point of Reno is to be able to order chinese food at 2am?}

Apparently they only had breakfast food and I WAS PISSED. This night sucked. Good thing I was in good company with friends Corey, Shannon and David.

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So I made it home…. grumpy, but grateful for good friends.

SUNDAY: Lazy

It was so nice sleeping in. Sunday is the only day that I get to sleep for ungodly amounts of time.

So after a 10 hour nap I woke up and ate some leftover chicken soup. It is my Sunday tradition to stay in bed and watch bad TV.

So I watched ‘Switched at Birth‘ on HULU. Wow that stuff is addictive… its got drama, love, a real american family… its an absolute trainwreck. LOVE IT!

I’m currently hanging out till 7pm, playing whatever the hell I feel like on Rock 104.5 .

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After this… not sure.

I’ll probably  go to my BFF’s house and see how that baby is a growing.

(She’s pregnant)

Maybe she’ll feed me…..

Pregnant ladies always have extra food laying around the house.

Over all the weekend was full of ups and downs, good friends, awkward situations and bad tv.

Thanks for reading :)

~Layla

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The Alpha Effect: Why We Love Manly Men Again!

I have to admit, I love manly men. I’m talking about muscles, grunting, cavemen types. I’m not sure why, but Alpha Males are always on my list. I thought this article was interesting… we are moving from a period of CSI nerds, geek chic, so to speak to more masculine GI Joe types. I say the more the merrier….

On a side note… hair is coming back in again (according to this article) I don’t mind hairy chests… backs- it’s got to go. Not ok, never will be ok. Wax that Sh@t!


By Simon and Schuster AUTHORity, 3 hours 26 minutes ago

By Laura Griffin
Author of Snapped

Sweat-beaded chests. Bulging biceps. Grunting matches. Dudes in the wild. Why are we women all of a sudden so into the alpha male these days? From top TV shows to NAVY Seals in the news, Laura Griffin explains why we can’t get enough of our big, strong, hairy men. (She should know: As a bestselling romance author of the Tracers trilogy and the upcoming Snapped, she has seen her share of hotties come and go.)

For years people have been talking about “The CSI Effect”—how fictional TV shows such as CSI have created a multitude of armchair experts in forensic science. But are we now seeing the opposite trend? More and more, reality shows such as Surviving the Cut, Top Shot, and One Man Army are having an effect on fiction–as evidenced by the bumper crop of tough alpha males populating today’s romance novels, from Navy SEALs and Army Rangers to police snipers.

As an avid reader (and writer) of romance fiction, I’m gleefully embracing this trend. I mean, nothing wrong with a duke or an earl or a glittery vampire who drives a Volvo, but what really pulls me into a story is a big strong alpha guy like the ones I’ve been watching on reality TV lately. Flip on the tube and you’ll see what I mean. The lineup is loaded with police snipers, spec ops warriors, survivalists. What is it about these sweat-slicked, dirt-covered, worm-eating adrenaline junkies that appeals to women?

They’re driven. Whether it’s the SEAL-in-training who jumps out of an airplane to perform a rescue mission on less than an hour’s sleep, or the sniper who spends three hours belly crawling to reach the perfect position for that thousand-yard shot, these guys are tough, committed, and determined to do the impossible. I never knew it a person could cross a gorge on a piece of parachute cord until I saw Bear Grylls do it on Man vs. Wild.

They fight for justice. I like watching bounty hunters kick down doors and haul away the bad guys. I enjoy seeing SWAT teams converge on the house where some man’s got his girlfriend held hostage, then watching them slap on the cuffs.

They’re protective. Most women I know have a soft spot for men with a protective streak. What’s not to like about the Coast Guard cadet who leaps into frigid waters to save a drowning fisherman or the firefighter who runs into a burning building to rescue a child? When men use their strength and training to protect the vulnerable, it strikes a chord with women.

They have a code. Almost all of these highly trained action-hero types went through some sort of rigorous training to get where they are. Whether they were Army Rangers, Navy SEALs, FBI agents–at some point on their journey they’ve been pushed and tested and instilled with a code of ethics. This snippet from the SEAL creed is just one example: “I voluntarily accept the inherent hazards of my profession, placing the welfare and security of others before my own.”

We saw this attitude on display when that team of SEALs was fast-roped into a potentially lethal environment to take out the word’s most hunted terrorist. Who wasn’t riveted by this act of bravery?

And finally, there’s The Swagger. I know, I know. No one wants to admit it. But as much as women roll their eyes when these alpha-males strut around looking manly, we secretly admire it. Because when it comes to sex appeal, a good bod is nice, but what’s even better is that calm self-assurance that you see when a man has made a career out of looking danger in the eye and refusing to blink.

Bestselling author Laura Griffin started her career in journalism before venturing into romantic suspense. Her novels have won numerous awards, including a 2010 RITA (Whisper of Warning) and a 2010 Daphne du Maurier Award (Untraceable). Her new release Snapped is on sale August 30. Visit her at www.lauragriffin.com.

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Dating an Older Man:

By: Christine Hassler

Life coach, Professional Speaker, Author, and Gen Y Expert

Posted: February 19, 2008 07:45 AM

 

Dear Christine,

I started dating a man and we have an amazing connection. We have endless and effortless conversations about the myriad interests we share, he’s hilarious (and he thinks I am too), we share the same values in life, I feel like I can be 100% myself with him.

Here’s the problem. I’m 27. He’s 42. I know he’s not old enough to really be my father, but he’s up there. I had NEVER considered or imagined I would be drawn to someone so much older. But now that I am, I am so torn. Do I turn away what seems to be my perfect match because of the age gap? Let me be clear, I’m not drawn to him because he “fathers me.” I have a great, solid relationship with my dad and have no issues there. It’s really a case of two kindred spirits being separated by a lot of numerical years. If I follow what feels right, am I setting myself up for future failure? Do you think this is a terrible idea? Please help! – Old Soul, 27

Dear Old Soul,

Just the fact that you are presenting this question makes me wonder if you already know the answer. Usually, we don’t question the things we know in our gut to in our best interests. You are concerned that a 15 year age difference may be a “terrible idea” or “setting yourself up for future failure.” Are these irrational concerns, or is this your intuition trying to out-talk your infatuation?

In my opinion, there is a lot more than just 15 years that separates you from your 42-year-old boyfriend. He’s had a heck of a lot more life experience than you have. You are in your late twenties, a time in life when you are just beginning to become sure of who you are and what you want. You are creating your life while he is already in the prime of his. If you were 40 and he was 55, I would not be as concerned about the age difference as both of you would have had ample time to experience life and mold your identity. By dating someone so much older, you are missing out on being with someone who is in the same phase of life that you are; someone with whom you can share the joys and pitfalls of discovery. Plus, this is a new relationship and you need to take into account that some of the sparks you feel come from the novelty of it.

You mentioned that you are not trying to live out some father figure fantasy. Okay, but consider this: are you drawn to him because he is so settled in his life while you are still putting the pieces of yours together? I speak from experience. In my twenties, I dated a man who was eleven years my senior and it was great until I realized I was living vicariously through him. I wanted to be where he was in his life – accomplished, more confident, and all the other things that come with additional years on the planet. What I realized is that I was trying to skip over my own twenty-something experience by coat-tailing his life. Sure, we had the same kind of connection you speak about and I really did feel like we were kindred sprits in a lot of ways; however, the unavoidable truth was that we were at very different points of our lives. Dating an older man can be an ego boost since being wanted by someone older makes you feel more mature. I share this with you because I encourage you to ask yourself if some of his appeal lies in the simple fact that he is older.

Furthermore, other than the very obvious reasons, why is a 42-year-old dating a 27-year-old? Has he ever been married or in a serious committed relationship? Think about your needs and growth. Do you want to spread your wings and live the carefree singles life for a while, or are you looking to settle down into the lifestyle that he has spent the past two decades creating?

Since I realize my advice is very one-sided, and I really don’t know anything about you or your love interest, I want to offer you a different perspective. I forwarded your question to Dr. Ava Cadell, Love Guru, Therapist, Author, and founder of Loveology University. Here is what she had to say: “Why are you thinking about problems that don’t exist? Age is just a number, but love, connection, values, compatibility and chemistry are real. And by the way, they are real hard to find in one person, so thank your lucky stars that you have found your soul mate. Celebrate your union and enjoy each moment you spend together. A word of caution though, if you think and anticipate failure, you will surely achieve it!”

I echo her word of caution and circle back to the simple truth that you are having doubts. Some say love is blind and ageless, but a sustainable relationship is built on a lot more than just love alone. It takes a certain amount of compatibility to carry you through the decades ahead. A 15 year age difference is significant. Period. Just think about having children in your thirties, and chasing around toddlers with a man in his late forties. I hear that you are an old soul, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to date someone significantly older to meet your “soul-match.” I say go for a five to seven year age difference.

But bottom-line, you are the only one who really knows if this relationship is a fit. I’m not saying it couldn’t work; I’m just asking you to think beyond the immediate comfort and initial honeymoon phase, evaluate your doubts and the source of those doubts, and ask yourself if this is what you really want. After thinking it through, if you believe he is still your soul match, then don’t let the age gap get in your way. -Christine

Please send me your questions by posting them in the comments section below. You can also email me at christine@huffingtonpost.com

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Men Have It As Tough As Women?

By Marcus Osborne for GalTime.com

Sometimes I wonder if I’m just a masochist. Maybe I just like the pain. Honestly, the only protection I’m sporting against the pending avalanche of invectives from the majority of women who’ll read this article is a thicker skin than lesser men. I’m hoping, though, that after you’ve kicked your monitor, called me some unflattering names or requested that I perform an act upon myself guaranteed to garner the attention of yoga instructors and porn movie directors alike, you’ll at least take the time to catch your breath and consider my points.

My acknowledgement first. I’m not a woman, but I know that being a woman is often supremely difficult. Sexism sucks. Being objectified sucks. Being paid less to perform the same job sucks. Having some old codger drop a condescending, “Honey” or “Sweetie” on you is no doubt a pain in the butt. I’ll never know the misery of menstrual cramps or the pain of childbirth. And lord knows that sifting through the army of jerks, players, users, abusers and emotionally unavailable frogs to finally kiss that Prince Charming is hardly a picnic. Being. A woman. Is Hard. But you know what’s just as hard?

Being a guy.

Yep, I said it. Being a man is just as difficult as being a woman. Now don’t get it twisted. I’m not at all saying that there is gender equity in the tribulations they each face. I’m not saying that it’s the same; I’m saying being a man is just as hard.

Related: 7 Burning Questions Guys Want to Ask

This is something that virtually every guy thinks. Most don’t complain about it openly. They know that this is just the way it is and they accept the rules of the game. Additionally, guys can’t really get away with admitting that the pressure of “being a man” weighs on him like a two-ton boulder. Why? Because a man openly acknowledging that the societal heat is getting to him is given the stink-eye.

Guys aren’t allowed to show any weakness. Don’t cry. Only wimps do that. Share your feelings? Pansy. Guys don’t see therapists. Studies show that men have a higher rate of suicide than women. Go figure. Now this isn’t a “poor us” rant. I mean, it is what it is, right? This is just me, a guy, stepping up for the fellas to say that this game is no walk in the park for us either.

Related: Can Women Have Sex Like Men?

In the dating game, guys have to develop thick skins to deal with regular rejection. Women don’t. Men have to pay for dates, women don’t. Husbands have to be providers, women don’t. These seem like trivial things, but mind you, the inability to be anything less than great in any of these areas is akin to walking on nails for a guy. Just as men can never truly know the pressures of being a woman, a woman can never truly appreciate the pressures of being a man.

Again, I’m not trying to say men and women face the same problems, I’m saying they both face very, very real societal stressors that adversely affect them equally. And while the door is open for women to express whatever emotional impact those pressures kindle, guys do not typically enjoy the same open-door policy.

But what do you think? Am I wrong? Am I just being soft? Should guys just “man up” and just deal with it? Or do you think my perspective has any merit at all?

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The Top 5 Myths Women STILL Believe About Men:

By Straight Male Friend‘s Marcus Osborne for GalTime.com

Women offer other women an incredible amount of uninformed advice, misinformation and mythology about what motivates men whether they’re single, married, or in a long-term relationship. This was the impetus behind StraightMaleFriend.com. With all due respect, women simply don’t know as much about men as they think they do. And of course us poor guys know zilch about women.

Truth be told, I actually reached out to a handful of guys to guest write for SMF and the general response was, “What? Hell no! I’m not gonna be the one givin’ up the secrets!” So you see?  Your SMF’s are risking permanent expulsion from the “Man Club” by giving up the goods here. But we’ve got a job to do!

Related: Top 5 Guy (BS) Breakup Excuses

To that end, we decided to tackle some fairly persistent man-myths. Now certainly there are exceptions to every rule. And, of course, you’ll have either experienced or have heard anecdotal stories that run contrary to your SMF’s perspectives. That said, here are:

The Top 5 Myths Women STILL Believe About Men

1.He won’t respect you if you have sex on the first date. Truth is, it doesn’t matter if you do the bedroom boogie on date number one or one-hundred. Sex (or the act of withholding it) doesn’t equate to respect. Don’t fool yourself. Each situation is different and each person is different. If you’re making such a personal decision based on not what YOU want, but on what you believe the other person will think, you could be setting yourself up for a major disappointment.

2. Men love the chase. Guys just loooove working up the courage to approach a stranger and ask them out, risking rejection or humiliation. What’s not to enjoy about basically having to qualify for the opportunity to take someone out ? Doesn’t sound stressful at all.

Uhhhh…no.

WOMEN love the chase. And why not? To be in a position where you can basically field offers from potential suitors. On that particular point, guys would switch places any day. It’s not that we love the chase…it’s that we have to chase.

Related: Are You a ‘Stage 1 Clinger’?

3. A man can’t be friends with a woman without wanting to have sex with her. This one is always hotly debated among the fellas. But the consensus here is that the idea that men and women can’t be friends without sexual tension is pure hogwash. We certainly won’t pretend as if people can’t or don’t possibly find each other attractive, but that’s a far cry from wanting to get all coital. And listen, I surely have friends who I definitely wouldn’t mind taking out for a sexual test drive. On the other hand, I’ve got very close female friends with whom I couldn’t imagine being intimate in that way. So to say what comedian-turned-relationship-guru Steve Harvey said– that, “The only reason men are just friends with women is because that’s all she’ll allow” is just ignorant and short-sighted.
4.  Guys Prefer Something Left to the imagination. Says who? Ok, do we love the way you look in that low cut top or those form fitting jeans? Yes. Do we love seeing you looking your sexy best as you step out of the shower wrapped in nothing but a towel? You know it. Do we get turned on seeing you get dolled up before a night on the town or maybe seeing you in your sexiest Vicki Secret? Hell yeah, you know we do. You know what we love MORE than that though?

Taking all of that stuff off of you.

Yeah, we like to IMAGINE you in your birthday suit, but we’d PREFER to SEE you in your birthday suit. I mean, come on….why has this ever even been in question?

Related: 4 Biggest Mistakes Men Make in Bed

5.  Guys are intimidated by independent women. Lots of guys are. But a lot of guys aren’t. This is another electric debate, but we say that this is generally not true; particularly for guys under the age of 40. Under 40 guys are more used to seeing, meeting, knowing, socializing with, and yes even dating powerful, independent women. Many guys wouldn’t have it any other way. Now listen, no worthwhile guy doesn’t care about carrying his own weight or being his own man. And men want to be seen as good “providers.” But that’s a societal “guy thing” and it has less to do with actually feeling intimidated and more to do with feeling the angst of having other people judge them. A self-confident guy feels empowered and proud of his strong, independent partner not emasculated. So for us to buy into the “guys are afraid of independent women” myth, we’d have to buy that most guys lack self-confidence…and we don’t at all agree with that.

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Pros and Cons of Sowing Your Wild Oats:

By Rich Santos, Marie Claire, on Thu Jun 30, 2011 8:23am PDT

A friend of mine recently ended a relationship and now claims he can’t wait to “sow his wild oats.” I’m wondering how that experience could be as rewarding as growing close to someone and falling in love.

So, I weighed the pros and cons:

CONS

It’s Not That Easy To Do
I strike out just as often when I’m just looking to hook up as I do when I’m looking for a girlfriend. It’s depressing because I set goals (get laid by as many women as possible) and don’t meet those goals. It’s like trying to figure out nuclear fusion: It would be awesome if I could do it, but I’m not capable.

You Might Miss a Better Opportunity
If you’re determined to sow your wild oats, you might just let that special person pass you by if they come along at the wrong time.

It’s Empty
There are times when people want fun, void of emotion. But isn’t an emotional connection more fulfilling? After you sow enough wild oats, you might reflect back and find that your experiences haven’t amounted to anything outside of temporary exhilaration.

It’s Dangerous
You all know I have an acute fear of every STD in the book… Not to mention unintended pregnancy. Is it worth the risk?

It Makes You Feel Cheap
As you go from person to person, the spontaneity and fun may turn into shame. Many people who set out to sew their wild oats accept that they are going to be compromising traditional morals. But, after a while, it’s not uncommon to feel bad about yourself if you’re stringing together flings.

PROS

It Convinces You That You’re “Ready”
People seem more prone to get into relationships once they’ve purged the “bad side” from their systems.

It Eliminates Regret
One common male regret is not playing the field enough before settling down. If that regret follows you into a marriage, it can get dangerous.

I’ve come to the conclusion that sowing your wild oats is overrated. People who need to do it are most likely not “relationship”-oriented. It’s all relative — some might say that my two one-night stands qualify as “wild oats.” I think that it takes a lot more than that, but then again I’m conservative.

What do you think are the pros and cons of this kind of behavior? Do you believe it’s necessary to go through this phase before you can get into a relationship?

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Hot People Naturally Drawn to Other Hot People:

By StyleCaster, 18 hours ago

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It turns out that opposites don’t really attract after all, at least not in the looks department. It sounds pretty shallow, but the matching hypothesis is a real thing. It says that we naturally select partners based on whether they have a similar desirability level to our own.

Now, it’s no surprise that people with similar interests and personalities tend to be naturally attracted to one another, both romantically and platonically. But who knew popularity and hotness played such a key factor in finding aperfect love match? Researchers at Berkeley sought to test whether or not the matching hypothesis is actually valid – and as it turns out, it is.

They tested over 3,000 users of an online dating site to find out if “individuals tend to seek out romantic relationship partners who approximately equal them in terms of social desirability.” What they found was that “individuals with greater self-worth report wanting more desirable romantic partners. Moreover, they actually select romantic partners of greater social desirability.” But there was no evidence that low self-worth individuals prefer low-desirable partners compared to high-desirable partners.

So to put it bluntly, the less popular kids still want to be with the cool kids, but the cool kids don’t want to be with them. It sounds kind of harsh, but according to the research, it’s only natural.

Anja Rubik and Sasha Knezevic Photo: Alexi Lubomirski, Vogue Germany June 2011

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