Why Real Men Like Their Women Bad to the Bone:

By Aaron Traister, REDBOOK

I recently came across a blog post from an esteemed colleague that asserted that most men like “innocent girls.” I respectfully disagree.

First of all, I don’t like girls, I like women. Secondly, the only time I think about someone’s level of innocence is when I’m on a jury during a criminal trial. Besides, looking for “innocent girls” sounds sorta creepy. I mean, there are lots of “innocent girls” at the junior high school, but unless you want me judging how innocent YOU are during a future criminal trial, it’s probably not such a good idea to go looking for a date there.

I know, I know, the guy was talking about the classic “good girl vs. bad girl debate.” And to each his own, but personally speaking, I’ve always had a thing for tough women with a surly streak.

I’ve never wanted to control or corrupt anyone; cult leaders want to control and corrupt people. I’ve always appreciated the kind of woman who will tell me to “go to hell” when I ask her to prepare for the comet by shaving her head and putting on her sacred pair of Tevas. That kind of honesty and independent spirit helps keeps me centered. It’s also the kind of push and pull that ultimately leads to a long and interesting marriage (at least until the comet arrives and returns us to our home nebula).

I’ve always found that a woman who looks like she might cut me if I say the wrong thing adds a level of excitement to a relationship and translates exceptionally well into other aspects of my life. When I first met my wife Karel, she was tending bar in a dive in lower Manhattan. During one of my first visits to the establishment, a guy she was serving got a little handsy, and she hit him in the head with the small pile of change he had been leaving as tips. My wife has excellent aim. It was like a Disney cartoon when blue birds and pink hearts appear around Daisy Duck as Donald Duck realizes he’s falling in love with her: I was Donald, and my snarling, cursing, change-hurling future wife was Daisy.

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I love a challenge, I love strength, I love independence and sexuality and a definite mean streak. But I also understand that there are guys who feel differently. Ultimately, it doesn’t really matter if you’re good or bad, innocent or guilty, a cartoon duck or a flesh-and-blood real estate agent, there is someone out there who is going to love you for who you are. So be confident in who you are, because the minute you start worrying about what guys like me and my esteemed colleague want is the minute you’ll end up with a person who is completely wrong for you.

Need help decoding odd male behavior? Redbook columnist Aaron Traister, who lives in Philadelphia with his wife and two kids, is our resident male who is happy to answer any questions you might have about the mind of a man. Either leave your questions in the comments or email him at redbook@hearst.com with Whys Guy in the subject. Letters, emails, and comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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